John Weber, ‘When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be a Rich Dead Rock Star’ Volumes I+II

I love being a potential rich dead rock star. I just dont want to be dead, cuz being dead means I might give off a bad smell. And that’s not good. Well, being dead wouldn’t be much fun, I admit. I just want to be rich and get chicks and stuff. If I have to be dead to achieve all this, then so be it.

I can only hope one day I can be a rich dead rock star like Kurt. Only I hope to live until I’m about 80 and die of a heart attack while boinking a nubile 21-year old groupie.

Not that I have delusions of being a rich, dead, rock star…..but, my goal is to get to #1 on the Wisconsin charts.

The album consists of cover versions of Floyd, The Ramones, and The Cramps, among others. I played all the instruments myself (guitars, keyboards, drums, bass and vocals), produced it, engineered it, mastered it… heck, I even provided pizza and liquid refreshments during those grueling hours in the studio. But don’t think I’m an egomaniac. I just couldn’t find anyone willing to sit through 3,216 vocal takes of ‘Everything Zen’ at five in the morning. I accomplish more in one day than most people do in a few minutes.

This CD was recorded in my living room between March and August of 1999 using N-track recording software. For less than $100, you too can be an aspiring rich dead rock star.

I can’t get away with much noise where I live. All my recording is done using my computer. My computer speakers are my monitors, so when I crank up the guitar with massive distortion, it really isn’t any louder than an average volume on your tv set. I don’t even have a guitar amplifier at home- I use a Line 6 POD (a small box that replicates the sound of various guitar amplifiers).

The ‘Rich Dead Rock Star’ CD’s guitars were all used that way, and really it would have been MUCH more fun to crank up an amp and just rock out. But my neighbors would be on the phone calling the police in a second.

(Like I said) there was lots of beer and pizza consumed during the making of the album. Beer was consumed *during* the recording, and pizza was after.

The CD is getting a little bit of attention locally here in Wisconsin, just because I am the only musician stupid enough to give my CD away. In my line of work, I am constantly in contact with musicians and music fans, and I give away a copy to anyone who wants one.

If I send my new CD, ‘When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be A Rich Dead Rock Star’ to 50 people, I figure it would cost me around $200 with shipping. For me, that’s a small price to pay for distributing my music. I could just as easily blow $200 on a one-day cocaine binge. Luckily, I’m addicted to music.

REVIEW - Jay Web’s album totally rawks. You’ll reminisce with “Interstellar Overdrive” and “Julia Dream”. You’ll totally love his own “Tight Lips, Fat Lip” and “I Just Want to Have Something To Do” (which kicks ass). You’ll cry tears of happiness while listening to the sweet sounds of John cover Elton John’s “Love Song”, and Neil Young’s “Sedan Delivery (live)”. John gets folksy with a groovy cover of John Denver’s “Late Winter, Early Spring”. And you’ll totally RAWK OUT to his version of the essential Bush track, “Everything Zen”. Totally worth sleeping with him to get a copy…err.. I mean… damn. It’s a great album.

Reviewer - Tim Gourley (MisterMe)

THE SONGS

‘Love Song’ is one of my favorites. When I was a kid, my mom always played this Elton John album called Tumbleweed Connection, and ‘Love Song’ was on there. I thought it was an incredible song, and I never in a million years would imagine recording the song and having a hot babe from Poland like it (reference to Selene).

The songs ‘Interstellar Overdrive’ (nothing but pure guitar wank…what a loser…heh!) and ‘Julia Dream’ weren’t chosen for any special reason. I did ‘Interstellar Overdrive’ (imagine Nirvana meets Pink Floyd) because it was an instrumental, and since I have a very limited vocal range, I thought it best to do that. The track is getting quite a bit of exposure in my area. There are already three local bands here that are playing my tune on the in-house PA system during their song breaks. I’ve burned over 25 copies by request. Heck, it’s pretty cool! No, I won’t give up my day job. People are fickle.

‘Julia Dream’ is one of my favorite Pink Floyd tunes. It’s a pretty catchy tune, and actually perfect for a single. I think with Syd gone at this time, the song was simply overlooked. Ok, it’s not Syd, but it is still psychedelic, and the chord progression is damn catchy. I thought it was well-written, and the minor key that its in adds a haunting effect.

With ‘Julia Dream’, well, I recorded it when I…was a bit tipsy…heh. For some reason, I just had the bravery to do a song and *sing* it for once. Since I never sang on any recordings before, I literally forced myself to, because I *really* wanted to do ‘Julia Dream’. This track heralds my vocal debut. There is *no way* I could get away with doing an instrumental to that song. So I practiced, and practiced, and practiced. My first vocal performance…and I’ve been singing ever since.

I am not a singer, but I gave it a shot. I will be the first to admit that the vocals aren’t great, they’re passable. And passable vocals coming out of my mouth was a tremendous confidence booster for me. Heck, if Neil Young and Tom Petty can get away with limited vocals and sell a million records, I can maybe sell a couple with mine.

I belatedly found out why my vocals for ‘Julia Dream’ didn’t turn out as I wanted them. Originally, I wanted my vocals to sound distant and disconnected almost like they were coming out of a transistor radio underwater. So I used a weird stereo vibrato effect which sounded great on headphones. After I played back the vocals, it just didn’t have that cool effect that I heard when I layed down the vocals.

Perplexed that I didn’t achieve the sound I envisioned, I gave up and left the vocals just as you hear them on the CD. I later found out that the left channel was DISCONNECTED from the recorder, so the bitchin’ STEREO effects I added were all non-functional. So Julia Dream’s vocals are very trebly and strange, and you’re literally hearing “half of the story”. If I could do it all over again, I would…. =)

The Wisconsin accent is quite noticeable on this track. The accent comes through loud and clear. “Lighter-r-r than an eider-r-rdown”… I didn’t notice it until just recently. Yuck!

Having to sing the word “eiderdown”. I felt kinda stupid. The word sucks enough as it is, but why oh why did they have to include it in a song?

I was convinced that ‘Julia Dream’ completely blew…(but) a few days later, I got a phone call from a friend of a friend who heard it and thought it was awesome. It raised my confidence a level higher. We are all our own worst critics.

I covered The Cramps ‘Strychinine’ and The Ramones ‘I Just Wanna Have Something To Do’. I’m proud to be a punk. Since the Ramones are gone, *somebody* has to carry the torch! Throw Badfinger and the Ramones in a blender, and you have my band.

‘Everything Zen’? I don’t think so. Life sucks. Don’t make it worse, make it better.

The Obligatory Secret Bonus Track - well, ’secret tracks’ are a good way for people to get away with releasing utter crap. I recorded it as a joke to test my vocal range, but I thought it would be a goofy way to end the record. heh

The following songs are a sample of what I do while you are all sleeping.

01 - INTERSTELLAR OVERDRIVE

02 - SEDAN DELIVERY

Last night I was cool at the pool hall
Held the table for eleven games
Nothing was easier than the first seven
I beat a woman with varicose veins.

She stopped to see herself in the mirror
Fix her hair and hide heir veins
And she lost the game.

Next day I went to the dentist
He pulled some teeth and I lost some blood
We’d like to thank you for the cards you sent us
My wives and I were all choked up.

I recall how Caesar and Cleo
Made love in the Milky Way
They needed boats and armies to get there
I know there’s a better way.

I saw the movie and I read the book
But when it happened to me
I sure was glad I had what it took
To get away.

Gotta get away, gotta get away
Gotta get away, gotta get away

I’m making another delivery
Of chemicals and sacred roots
I’ll hold what you have to give me
But I’ll use what I have to use.

The lasers are in the lab
The old man is dressed in white clothes
Everybody says he’s mad
No one knows the things that he knows.

No one knows, no one knows
No one knows, no one knows

I’m sleepin’ in every hallway
I just can’t accept the stares
I’m using too many covers
I’m warm now so I don’t care.

I’m thinkin’ of no one in my mind
Sedan delivery is a job I know I’ll keep
It sure was hard to find.

Hard to find, hard to find
Hard to find, hard to find

3 - I JUST WANNA HAVE SOMETHING TO DO

Hangin out on second avenue, eatin chicken vindaloo
I just wanna be with you
I just wanna have something to do)
Tonight….tonight….tonight
Tonight….tonight….well alright
Tonight….tonight….tonight
Tonight………tonight………tonight)
wait…….now…….wait……..now
Hangin out all by myself
I don’t wanna be with anybody else
I just wanna be with you
I just wanna have something to do
Tonight…tonight…..tonight
Tonight…tonight…..tonight.
Tonight…tonight…..tonight
wait…..now…..wait….now
wait…..now…..wait….now
Hangin out all by myself
I don’t wanna be with anybody else
I just wanna be with you
I just wanna have something to do)
Tonight….tonight…..tonight.
Tonight….tonight…..well alright
Tonight….tonight…..tonight
Tonight….tonight…..tonight
Tonight….tonight…..tonight
Tonight….tonight…..tonight

4 – LOVE SONG (Leslie Duncan)

The words I have to say
May well be simple but they’re true
Until you give your love
There’s nothing more that we can do

Love is the opening door
Love is what we came here for
No one could offer you more
Do you know what I mean
Have your eyes really seen

You say it’s very hard
To leave behind the life we knew
But there’s no other way
And now it’s really up to you

Love is the key we must turn
Truth is the flame we must burn
Freedom the lesson we must learn
Do you know what I mean
Have your eyes really seen

5 – JULIA DREAM

Sunlight bright upon my pillow
Lighter than an eiderdown
Will she let the weeping willow
Wind his branches round
Julia dream, dreamboat queen, queen of all my dreams
Every night I turn the light out

Waiting for the velvet bride
Will the scaly armadillo
Find me where I’m hiding
Julia dream, dreamboat queen, queen of all my dreams
Will the misty master break me
Will the key unlock my mind
Will the following footsteps catch me
Am I really dying
Julia dream, dreamboat queen, queen of all my dreams

6 – STRYCHNINE

Some folks like water,
Some folks like wine,
But I like a taste,
Of straight strychnine,
You may think it’s funny,
That I like this stuff,
But once you’ve tried it,
You can’t get enough,
The wine is red,
And poison is blue,
Strychnine is good,
Oh what’s a ??? to you,

The wine is red,
And poison is blue,
Strychnine is good,
Oh what’s a ??? to you, oh oh oh

If you listen to what I say,
And you try strychnine someday,
Make you choke,
It’ll make you shout,
Illegal, and knock you high,
Some folks like water,
Some folks like wine,
But I like the taste,
Of straight strychnine

7 – TIGHT LIPS, FAT LIP (John Weber)

8 – EVERYTHING ZEN

There must be something we can eat
Maybe find another lover
should I fly to Los Angeles
find my asshole brother

Minnie mouse has grown up a cow
Dave’s on sale again
We kissy kiss in the rear view
We’re so bored
You’re to blame

Try to see it once my way
Everything zen
Everything zen
I don’t think so

Raindogs howl for the century
A million dollars a steak
As you search for your demi-god
And you fake with a saint
There’s no sex in your violence
There’s no sex in your violence
Try to see it once my way
Everything zen
Everything zen
I don’t think so

I don’t believe that Elvis is dead
I don’t believe that Elvis is dead
I don’t believe that Elvis is, Elvis is

There’s no sex in your violence

9 – LATE WINTER, EARLY THAW (instrumental)

10 – OBLIGATORY SECRET BONUS TRACK

“Secret Tracks” are a good way for people to get away with releasing utter crap. I recorded it as a joke to test my vocal range, but I thought it would be a goofy way to end the record. heh

FUTURE PLANS

Ooooo!! Do *I* have an idea for a follow-up to Jay Web’s Recycle Bin’s “When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be A Rich Dead Rock Star”… An album of punk-rock versions of Floyd tunes. Well, maybe not now, I’m taking a break, but that would be interesting for a future project.

Currently, I’m working on all original songs. Plus, I am working on a super-secret musical venture with another well-known alt.music.pink-floyd’er. No, I won’t tell. =)